I low key wish I was pretty. Like really pretty. Like gorgeous. The kind of good looks that have everyone wanting to know who you are and where you came from and wondering how you ended up in the same space as them.
Really long post warning, but its fucking hilarious. So at my school drama program there’s a lady who always comes to help with makeup and hair. We call her Mama Red (in accordance with her killer hair color) This year I was backstage the first time and I was helping with makeup. So we alway end up talking about her daughter because her daughter was friends with my eldest sister in high school etc etc. And she’s telling me about her daughter and then she laughs suddenly and pulls out her phone to show me a picture. It’s a pink, porcelain poodle doll with the most demon-like red eyes that stare straight into your soul and send shivers down your spine cause its weird little tongue is hanging out too. She says to me “there’s two little baby ones that go with it”. My first question was what the actual fuck are these satan dogs for? Mama Red answers “oh, well I’m gonna get my ashes put in them to piss off my daughter. It’s in my will. She hates these fucking things, and she didn’t call me for like 3 weeks and made me worry so I put it in my will that my ashes are gonna go in the porcelain fucking poodle so that she has to carry that around and have it in her house it’ll be hilarious” by now I’m laughing my ass off cause these is CLASSIC Mama Red. And then she says to me “and that’s not all. My daughter HATES clowns so if she ever pisses me off again I told her that I’m gonna put in my will that whatever ashes don’t fit in the poodle have to be spread at the freaky clown hotel I found in Vegas. And that she has to spend the night there.” I swear this lady is parenting GOALS.
NOT FUNNY APRIL FOOLS JOKES
HILARIOUS APRIL FOOLS JOKES
tacit-acquiescence
